he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
