I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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