perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
