yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
