The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My vagina is officially offended.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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