I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
