Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
