these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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