I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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