you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
