i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
