if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
