just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
