Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
