he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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