I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
