Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
