My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
