As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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