Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
