My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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