i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
