oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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