Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
