ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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