And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
