At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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