I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
