They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
