Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
