just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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