Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
