Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
