You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
