Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
