When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
