I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
