i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
