this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
