You're so nebulous sometimes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
