just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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