All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
