Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
