How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
