On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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