Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
