Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
and she was petting her beer can
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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