If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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