Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
