Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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