someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
