i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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