party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
