would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
