.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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