I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
