Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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