I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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