life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
