dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
