You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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