I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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