So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
