In the future we'll all be gay
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
