Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
