They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
