I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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