Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
