Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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