The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
