I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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