UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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