It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
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We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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