Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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