Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want to be your penis for a week.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
