Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
