So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
