This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
