woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
