she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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