hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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