Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
