I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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