just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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