So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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