hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Randomize
