just tell him i said nine months
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
