i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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