My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
