Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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