we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
