I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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