He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
