I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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