She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
