my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
